Friday, January 11, 2008

Choosing Sides

The hubby and I have a couple of friends (a married couple - we'll just call them Bob & Sue) - they are really getting smacked around by life right now...they are getting it from every which way. A couple of their problems deals with their extended family. I've been spending time with Sue, comforting her, listening to her and offering advice when solicited. When the guys get together my husband just listens to Bob, never offering advice or anything. His "advice" is always to just stay out of it whereas I believe there is a time when one should step in and "help"
Here's two of the most recent situations our friends are dealing with...
  1. Sue's parents have been married almost 60 years! (Wow!!) Sadly, she has suspected her father of having affairs or even another family somewhere but her mother has never said or done anything about it until recently. The last couple of months her mother has started putting some things together and is now suspecting it and is very distraught over this and calls Sue all the time, crying, asking for her help in catching him so she can confront him. Sue is not sure what to do. She loves both her parents and even though she is angry with her dad, she is fearful for her mom because her mom has no life outside of her dad....she is "old school" and he is her life. Yet right now she is miserable and unhappy and doesn't want this to continue. I've encouraged Sue to help her mom hire a private detective if she doesn't feel comfortable herself catching her dad in the act. Sue is a Christian, whereas her father isn't and she's not really sure about her mom....but Sue knows this lifestyle is wrong. My husband & I actually argued about this last night because he thinks Sue should stay out of it. It's not her problem. It's her parents problem and they need to work it out. I told him I felt like Sue's mom was reaching out to Sue because she has no friends, no church family, no husband (because he is cheating on her!) no other family...who else is she going to get help from?? Why shouldn't Sue help her?!
  2. Bob has two brothers (Dumb & Dumber) who are at each other's throats...constantly! They literally want to kill each other. They have hated each other for years and years and years. The youngest brother and his wife (Dumber) have constantly used whatever legal means/lies/manipulations they could use to keep the middle brother (Dumb) in jail or tied up in court for the last 10 years! It is insane! Dumb is homeless because he has lost everything having to pay for court and probation fees so many times, etc. Well - get this--he was just arrested again last week because Dumber & wife have a restraining order against him and they actually staged a time where Dumb was working outside Bob's house and Dumber's wife got within the 500 feet distance of Dumb (prohibited by the restraining order) and then they snapped a photo!! They called the police the next night and the police arrested Dumb!!!! He is STILL sitting in jail. No amount of talking on Bob's part could convince the police that this was staged...Dumb wasn't doing anything wrong. The police said "let the judge decide." Bob tried to explain to the police "but don't you understand? Dumb is already homeless! If you arrest him, that is just racking up more court costs and attorney fees for something he didn't do!!! AND he is going to keep looking like a repeat offender." I was suggesting to Bob how he could help by going down to the courthouse and pulling the records and looking at what all has been said against Dumb that keeps getting him thrown in jail and then speaking on his behalf...yada yada yada....and my husband said "why should he do's not his problem, he needs to stay out of it"

GRRRRRRR, so tell me readers, out of curiosity.....what's your advice?


Big Doofus said...

If I were Sue, I'd find out what was going on--since you asked. The Dumb & Dumber story sounds familiar. Wasn't it on an episode of Jerry Springer? Sorry--couldn't resist the dumb joke. I'm not sure what I'd do with that one.

Sniz said...

Family is different from anyone else and IMO, different rules apply. I agree with your hubby about staying out of someone else's life, except when it comes to family. I mean, Sue's MOM is asking for her help. How can she refuse? It's her MOM! Same thing with the brother. That's my 2 cents.